penny the particular

had a freak out today when sophie and i wanted to wear one of each shoe. freak out.

also, the

palm springs

I'm sitting in our bungalow. it's after dinner on the second night of our little vacation. the big double doors are opened wide on the left side of the bed and i can see the movie 'being there' playing on the wall outside our room off to the left. there are two big yoga platforms in front of the movie covered in moroccan pillows for everyone to lay on but no one is there. no one is watching the movie. everyone is gathered by the fire pit out the other side of our room. I can hear their bursts of laughter. part of me wants to be there and part of me doesn't

So, i turned in early, same as last night, for a couple of different reasons.

1. i came here to sleep - last night i went down at 10 and except for a few interruptions {Doug and pumping} i slept all night. i took a nap this morning, it was heavenly. after we got up at 7:30 we went for a bike ride around town. palm springs is a teeny town with one main drag and that's about it. when we came back, we had breakfast {banana pancakes} and then came back to the room and slept for another two hours. it's now 10:42 and i want to get to sleep.

2. everyone is so drunk and high right now. drinks before dinner, wine at dinner and pot lemonade by the fire sorta makes everyone crazy. russ was going to smoke pot once everyone was stoned enough after the lemonade. so weird.

i have a hard time integrating into the conversation. i feel weird. Also, I'm the only one who didn't really know russ and constance prior to this trip. everyone else has their crowd here. And despite the fact that they're wasted right now, individually they are very smart, interesting people. i'm definitely the most boring one here. definitely not feeling smart enough to contribute. hate that. there's a girl here that is developing a kids show. she's really interesting and smart. she knows bed gibbard. i had this awkward moment with her about him. she was talking to her two year old who is 6 days younger than penny and speaking lightyears ahead. anyway, she was asking her daughter if she remembered ben and zooey, (death cab for cutie was playing on the ipod.) and how they went to their house and zooey (who i thought was ben gibbards daughter) was showing their baby girl the ballet shoes and the bar, etc. so, i ask how old his daughter is. she gives me a weird look. so i ask again. how old is his daughter that is showing your little girl all the ballet stuff. "Oh, his wife...Zooey deschenel." Ah, of course. zooey deschenel. why not.

then busy phillips came today. she's really cute, we've actually had some good conversations at the pool and then tonight at dinner. she was sitting right across from us and we chatted about TV shows and babies and it was great. we talked about weddings and after i told her that I got married when i was 19 she told me that we should renew our vows and that she was going to plan it for us. she's super cute. it was going to be on may 5 next year with taco trucks and

all my wardrobe planning paid off. spent too much money but kinda glad i did. All in all it's been really nice.

want to try and be smarter have better conversations with doug. want to write more. also, ready to get home to the babies. love them and miss them a lot.

why mothers day sucks.

Yesterday, i went to church and one of my favorite moms was huffing and puffing at her kids and kids were mad at her. it was funny. that may sound mean but it was funny because i'd had the same sort of morning.

Then we go sit down and i see my good friend whose husband is the other counselor in the bishopric on the stand to speak. her husband had forgotten to assign talks she stepped up at the last minute. ON mothers day!

the bishops wife ended up being in charge of the 'mother's day' gifts for the ladies in the ward. she was not happy about that.

the primary children sang a song that started with something like....your words so gentle and kind. I was almost giggling out loud at the irony.

We had a busy week. A hectic celebration week, you know.

We had fun

We also had some bad news.

All i wanted was a nap and good mexican food.

Mexican food was too spicy for kids had chicken nuggets and tater tots instead. No lie. it was hilarious.

everyone got sick {cept Owen}

Doug got really sick with a fever on saturday which means i didn't get a nap or the mexican food. I think he planned it.

We ended up decluttering the house yesterday just to keep my sanity.

the kids made chocolate covered strawberries though. they were amazing. sophie also wrote me a poem. i love sophies poems.

In short. mothers day sucks. i don't really like it at all.

woke from a dream

last night. i felt the spirit telling me to Pray More. Pray more. went to conference this morning and felt the message is pray more. i will pray more.

I need to get control of my house and my kids and not let the kids and house control me.