Also,

I'm starting two collections this year. Letterpress prints and cards: for design and printing inspriation. And Caldecott Award winning books. because designmom collects them (she was my original inspriation) but then i've recently discovered that i dislike a lot of the childrens books that we own. So there you go.

It's really something special to have a baby

It really is. My favorite time of day is at night when i've put him in his crib, all bundled up and he's sleeping so soundly. I love going in to get Owen's pajamas and there's Simon, purring quitely, his binky having fallen out of his puckered mouth lies next to him. His lips are perfect, he is perfect because he is my baby. i pat him on his belly and feel the spirit so strong. he is a child of God and I am SO lucky to be caring for him on earth. he is special, so so special. I hope i never forget how i feel tonight. So very blessed. He's probably my last and i get a little sad thinking that 5 months has already flown by. Oh, he's so precious and amiable and jovial and perfect. My heart could burst tonight.

this last sentence was chopped from the above paragraph. but i still love his hair.

His hair line is my favorite. it reminds me of what carter probably looked like as a baby. His tiny blonde hair is coming in so perfectly around his face.

couldn't hang on even one more minute.

Oh, today was hard. Lots of deep breathing as Penny shouted at me nearly all day. boy that gets tiring. She was super cute in lots of ways today but wow that shout makes me bonkers.

doug got home.

i went to see "When in Rome" starring Josh Duhmel, Kristen Bell, and Jon Heder. I went with emily timmreck and laurie malawanag. tickets were 12 bucks each at the burbank 16.

thinkers

I wanna be a thinker. just read a brooke post and it made me want to be a thinker, a labeler (in a good way) more like and identifier, an analyzer, a studier.

how do i do that? I've been thinking about athat for a while. it's interesting, my writing was better before i found so many other blogs that have really good writers. so i stopped. but writing helps you be a better writer as does studying, thinking and analyzing. i feel like i need assignments.

will come up with a plan.

Today has been intense

The last few days have been intense. Penny woke up from her nap on tuesday with a fever and she has been clingy and cry and shouty and demanding since then. I'm just realizing now how tired my arms and my brain are.

Owen is at baylen's and sophie is putting on make up in my bathroom. the house is quiet, both babies are asleep and i just realized how tired my muscles and my spirit feel like they have been flexing since grandma left. no rest. no relax. someone always needs something. in fact, my phone just alerted me of a text.

As I was laying Simon down, nursing him to sleep (a big mistake but i just can't help it) he's so sweet and i put him down all. the. time so i absolutely relish sleeping and nursing him at night. it's our time without anyone else. he really wants me by the end of the day and that's the best way for me to give it to him right now.

Today he started to spin around on his tummy and scoot a little bit. when i was in the shower the other day, the door was open and i could see him squirming his way to the edge. I had to jump out just in case he decided to squirm one big squirm and fall right off the bed.

anyway, while i was nursing him i was daydreaming about going to a hotel for valentines day or anniversary or mothers' day, whatever... but just going over night and having grandma terrie take care of the kids while i just went somewhere else to sleep. in a nice, soft, comfortable bed. far away from crying babies. i full night's sleep. i don't even know what that is anymore.

Doug comes back tomorrow. diet coke is my friend.

Have been thinking about colors

And how to put them together. I was scrolling through some design sponge sneak peeks and found two that I love. Whimsy and Square Space press, i think.

one color combination that i love is pale pink, bright red (maybe a tad desaturate, but still bold) mossy green and grey. loved it. they had dark wood as well as lighter wood on the walls.

REally, really want to finish organizing the house, putting it all together with the details.

To be Done:

family room:

Small table next to eames lounger?

Photos up

Lamp

Pillows

Ottoman-- Target?

Magazine Rack

Entry:

Round tray

Flower pot

flower

Credenza:

Eliminate photos.

determine what looks good up there.

Sophie/Penny's room

Photos or prints for walls

rug

play kitchen

cover board with fabric

My room

Bedding

Pillows

Shams

Lamp

Side Table

Organize MY Stuff:

bills

crafty

magazines

Don't know what to think about all this. Could spend a fortune, don't really want to but i feel like i'm functioning SOOO much better when things are organized. Upcycled, Recycled, craigslist, etc. i guess.

Day 17

I haven't written since thursday. dang it. i'd attempt to catch up but it just seems a little stupid at this point. either way, i've written more by way of journal this year already than the last 10 combined, so at least i'm getting somewhere.

I downloaded Photoshop elements tonight. If i could be anything, right now, i'd like to be a graphic designer. Doug has yet to successfully install photoshop and illustrator on my computer so i figure for 80 bucks i can start learning and persuing it my way and until the babies are bigger and i can get more serious about it. I'm excited.

my sister chris facebooked me that she's calling off her wedding. Matt is chatting with someone online and blah blah blah. i feel bad for her.

Day 16

The last few days have been hard, even with grandma here. without her i would have been an absolute mess!

Problems:

Owen is hard for me to handle today.

He gets hyper and crazy around 7:30, when my energy is at the tail end.

Penny is hard for me to handle today

She seriously screamed at me anytime she wanted/needed something.

Solutions:

Learn how to communicate better with Owen.

Identify trouble spots or times and find good solutions.

let him be on the computer. at 8 tonight, he did math fact and some other stuff. it was heaven for the both of us.

Remember he is a son of God.

I miss Doug. it has been raining crazy hard for 3 days straight. not used to this kind of weather even though it's a nice break.

i'm still fat. my middle, spare tire / muffin top is not shrinking on its own. It's going to be so hard to get rid of. funny thing. i just ate a muffin. one of grandma's banana chocolate chip 'fuffins.' i'd probably get rid of it sooner if i stopped eating stuff like that. oh and about 6 chocolate mints that doug got for his birthday from Grandma O.

Have been reading scriptures 2 nights in a row. love doing it with grandma. she's reminding me what it's supposed to be like. read a few verses, discuss just briefly and go on. I'm glad she's here to help us start to make it a habit.

penny is crying in her crib. i put her down at 7:15 cuz she was crazy and acting so tired. she talked and played in her crib. and then finally started crying after about 1hr 30 minutes. i finally let her out and then put her down again 10 minutes ago. she's never going to sleep tonight. what the heck is going on????

Day 15

Grandma is here. i'm so happy.

Day 14

It's sunday. I went to stake conference with the big kids while doug stayed home with the littles. it was really good.

some of the impressions i got.

• get my temple recommend. go every month. use the babysitters! go this month and pray about owen. how do i help him become a good person, a good teen, a good student, a good priesthood holder, a good missionary, a good dad?
• put a picture of christ on my nightstand. i need visual reminders. Don't let doug discourage me from putting up the visual reminders. i can feel myself slipping, choosing not to do the things i'm supposed to and instead, focusing on 'stuff' like, furniture, home decor, facebook, email, blogs. Get that balance!
• get to know Jesus. the one who came to take care of us all. i loved that talk so much.
• Also, leave a legacy of faith.

that last one got me to thinking again about me as a person. as a mom. kelly is going to go get her degree. i'll be the only one without it. does that matter to me? kind of. is it entire wrong for me to go back to school? sure feels wrong. will photoshop and illustrator classes make me feel better? probably. cooking classes? probably.

ugh. i hate discouragement. and i'm feeling it tonight.

Other things that popped into my head...maybe that's all for now

Day 13

Saturday. I'd really like to make saturday more of a family day. we all kinda go our separate ways all the time. i want to make more family memories. with doug traveling so much how do i do that?

other things i'd like to do:

• pray with doug daily
• come up with a chamberlain family post-prayer cheer. sounds so dorky.
• get the damn pictures on the wall! i'm going to go thrift shopping tomorrow and fill them with thrift prints, for crying out loud!

Day 12

well. thursday smacked me in the face. Owen brought a note home from his teacher saying he is dishelved and unkind to a kid named donald.

I had a melt down. i was crying in owen's bed talking to doug on the phone. I took it very personally. i am so overwhelmed. i have so many responsiblities on so many levels and crazy schedules and blah blah blah. it was a hard day.

i made a bunch of to do lists. we'll see if i can turn this around.

Day 11

Doug's birthday was yesterday. he turned 37. he's in new york shooting commercials and so for his birthday, i found a bag online that i thought he would like. i put it on hold and then gave him an address and a name and told him to go and find out his little birthday surprise. it's a 375 dollar bag so i didn't buy it for him, but just let him look around. apparently, he liked the fun and hunt but the bag was not as keen as he would like. oh well. he found some 480 dollar boots instead. whoa. good thing he's making money.

interesting thing i was thinking about today. for years i've been drilling into sophie's head the idea that she doesn't need to worry about what other people think. i spent my entire adolescence looking for approval from people, to a flaw, a serious FLAW! it has hindered personal growth in so many ways. and she's a very confident kid. doesn't care if she's the only one dressed up for blue and gold day at school kind of confidence. good for her. that makes me happy.

Then, last night, we had a bball/mutual conflict. we've ditched out on so many sunday bball practices that i was encouraging her to skip mutual and go to the practice. coach dean would have probably kicked her off the team for it. maybe not. anyway, she said this, and i started wondering if all my talk could back fire. she said.

"what do i care what coach dean thinks of me. it doesn't matter what he thinks, only what i think."

could that turn her into a flake and she wouldn't even care that she's a flake?

i'm going to ponder and see what i come up with.

Day 10

Lots of fast food today. Wendy's after the little's and i went to Target. Subway for sophie at lunch so i picked one up for me. And then McDonalds after i picked up owen from school and while we were waiting for sophie. Too much grease. yuck.

Simon is so cute and smiley. so cute. i love him. penny is aggressive again. she bit simon {hard} on the finger. ohhh, that girl!

Day 9

So, today is the second day without doug. i've eaten terribly. I was tired, haven't exercised. went to the park with beth. It was nice. penny needs to go to the park more often. I actually fell asleep with the kids around 9:30 and woke up at midnight. simon woke not much longer after that so i fed him and snuggled him thinking i was going to go back to sleep. the problem is, i left the house crazay and not locked up. the garage door was open with the light on and the dishes were overflowing in the sink and there was a cooking crock with tonights tuna casserole still in it.

yuck. i had to get up. i had to clean up. the cleaners are coming early tomorrow. like, 8:30. there wouldnt' be anytime to clean in the morning and it would be SOOO much harder do get it done with both babies needing me, as they usually do all day.

So, i got up. i cleaned up the kitchen, closed the garage, locked the doors. most were locked, actually, but just made sure things were put to bed. and now i'm sitting here 3 hours later, STILL awake. blogging, shopping, surfing, loving design blogs. I really want to take illustrator and photoshop. really bad. I miss doug. he's in new york. it's his birthday today and i wish i could send him something awesome. but it can't really. i have lots of limitations. i hate that.

just texted him. he's starts at 7, hopefully he'll get it.

Day 8

Actually writing this on Day 9 but i really wnat something every day!! so i'm back dating.

yesterday. found out Chris is engaged. matt finally came around apparently. and she sounds so happy. so so happy.

wedding to be in june. found each other on facebook. very very fun.

Day 7

Took Doug to the airport this morning. he's off to nY for another round of work. So grateful for work. seriously, not sure i say that enough. So many people are struggling. Brandon and Rachel right now. crazy hard. Not for much longer, i predict. lots of others as well.

anyway, despite how hard it is when he is gone, i'm VERY glad he has somewhere to go.

We went to Sylmar ward conference. Owen was kind of uncooperative, laying on the floor and overall embarrassing sophie. simon was an angel as usual and penny was a little crazy. not too bad. it can always be worse.

Things i'm thinking about:

How to attack grandmas challenge and the book of mormon.
my own personal study
finishing sophie's room
finishing the house.

Day 6

doug and i got to go on a date tonight. We saw Sherlock Holmes. loved it. really cool movie.

Day 5

Well, yesterday was a ME day. I got my eyebrows waxed and tinted {they ended up really dark brown} and then i went shopping at Target for some stuff and then later last night i saw 'Leap Year' with Emily Timmreck and Rachel Swierenga. We ate at chipotle and it was so good and so fun. very cute movie.

The only thing i left out was the pedicure. need one. want one. will have to wait for grandma to get here.

she's coming because doug has another slew of work. was going to be 3 weeks straight and i was freaking out. too hard. can't do it all. Called dougs mom for back up.

looks like one of the jobs fell through though so now we get him home a few days in between jobs.

LEt it be known, i say Simon is left handed. Doug scoffed. He'll have to eat it when we find out that Simon is left handed.

Day 4

wow. what a day.

after staying up until midnight talking to doug about that sad situation with the austin guys, i think i fell asleep about 1. simon was up at 3 and then slept with me. sophie came in when penny started crying about 4:30. Simon was back up at 5:15 and i didn't have any space in our HUGE bed with all the kids so i slept terribly. then simon was up at 6:00 to be up. i think he was hot. at 6:30 Penny woke up soggy wet from a leaky diaper. and then we were ALL up. except Owen, of course.

i was so so tired that as soon as we got back from dropping off owen at school, i put Simon in his bed for a nap and went straight to my room. i put yo gabba on for penny and actually fell back asleep for about 30 minutes. I don't even remember hearing a major section of the show. oh it felt good.

i was supposed to go to the zoo with beth but i took the kids to ikea to wear them out while shopping for baskets for the girls room.

as luck (mainly the bad kind) would have it, penny fell asleep on the way home from Ikea and didn't transfer into her crib at all. i got her some milk and put her back down. then she was stinky so i changed her diaper and put her back down. then she cried and cried and cried {hard} for about 30 minutes until i finally decided that i was defeated and wasn't going get the nap i so desperately wanted.

We played and worked around the house until it was time to get owen. simon woke up at 1:30ish. perfect. enough time to feed him and get everyone ready to go to the store directly after owen's pick up.

and simon did nothing but cry in the car. very unconsolable. finally settled when owen came through the gate. when we got back to the car, both kids were dead asleep. do we really need groceries that bad? yeah we do . we gotta go. Sophie had something after school until 4 and then had bball and mutual after so this was the only time.

I wake up simon, put him in the baby bjorn -- go around the van, wake up penny and carry the two of them into the store with owen trailing behind me asking if he can have a friend over. over and over again. Penny is still shaky from sleep but i have to put her down in order to get the cart so i put her by owen and they both walk in. Then the carts are stuck together and i'm trying to do it one handed while keeping the binky in simon's mouth. I tried another. still stuck. the last one came out but at a wierd angle and it hit the wall. the automatic door closed and penny starts screaming cuz shes inside and i'm on the outside and Simon starts crying and owen is zoned out playing on my phone ignoring everything and everyone is wailing. i pry the cart free and FINALLY get it over to penny who is crying and holding her arms out to me, maneuvering around simon in the pouch and manage to get her in the seat of the cart. just then my phone rings. it's bart johnson. i tell owen that i can't talk right now cuz the babies are crazy, we'll call back later. he begs again. no owen, i yell over the cries.

the next thing i know he's saying, "hi bart....oh mom, it's baylen!" At that moment i completely lost it. i pinched his underarm so hard and yelled, "I said, NO!" and hung up the phone that he burst in to tears, sadder than i've ever seen him. So, now all 3 are crying and i quickly open a bag of food for penny to eat. she calms down. Simon had a blanket by his head {probably too hot.} and once i took that away, he calmed down and took the binky. Owen cried for much longer. He was so hurt. His feelings and his underarm skin. it was so sad, but i just snapped. I was tired, nobody was sleeping well or at the right times. everyone was hungry. doug has been out of town since early early yesterday. ugh.

So, i apologized and hugged Owen until he felt better. we went about the store, gathered our items. I let him call baylen back and they wanted him to come over. He was over the moon, and i let him go. the rest of the trip was uneventful, thankfully. we got home, then sophie got home and then after about 45 minutes, robin picked her up for bball practice. I gave penny food, nursed Simon, put them all back into the car and left to pick up sophie at about 6:15. Picked up sophie, picked up heather carpenter, picked up rachel trujillo with intermitten cries from simon. he was super unsettled. i had a little cap on his head that was making him way too hot and he was sweating so bad. i pulled that off and he finally fell asleep. I dropped off the girls and drove to baylens house to pick up owen. drove back to the church, got there by 7:30, had a half hour to kill. called grandma olson, kids got fidgety and begged to go inside after about 20 minutes. went up to the 3rd floor, found the girls, chatted with kristin udall, who was sewing bags for all the girls or helping them sew.} left around 8:30, dropped everyone off got home at 9pm. put crazy babies in the bath, yelled at kids to get homework done. nursed simon, put him down, put penny down. picked up simon, nursed him again, put him down again. Made brain food snacks for the kids to help them get through their homework without falling asleep. I started this entry and about 30 mintues later doug came home, both kids fast asleep in our bed. phew. PHEEW. and then i got a second wind when doug got home and so i cleaned up the room while we were doing the re-entry information exchange. Then he had to buy a plane ticket to ny so i went into the kitchen to clean up a bit while he was busy. came back, ate a snack. chatted with doug, worked on this entry and now it is 12:54, right on schedule to start all over and do it again tomorrow.

good night!

Day 3

Where are we going as a couple? What kind of people are we becoming? Are we getting greedy? Materialistic? Kinda seems that way. I need to stop spending money. Need to stop now.

Although, the organization is so completely overwhelming and i'm making head way. i'm so close. just need to be careful of what i buy and take back ANYTHING that doesn't ROCK!

NEed to be more spiritual, need to stop watching so much TV.

Doug turned down the austin guys to go with aaron on a superbowl commercial that now turns out to be low budget and a really lame concept. The Austin guys are super offended and doug feels really low right now.

I pray everything turns out ok.

Two days in a row

Not bad. Doug is at a Clippers game tonight with whit hertford. It was a last minute thing and when whit called and he was looking to me for the ok, i quickly said, "if you go, i get a spa day."

ok. wednesday, i am going to get a pedicure, manicure, eyebrow wax and tint. hmmm what else, a facial? nah, i'd rather have a movie.

Journal 2010

Not sure if i can do it, but i guess we'll see. Journal daily. hmm. haven't ever done it before but if i don't suck, then i'll have a whole book to publish in 2011.

Here we go!

Sunday. Church was good. Both kids bore their testimony. Sophie was really nervous but she didn't cry. I was so proud of her. Owen was reading 'Beast Quest' during Sacrament meeting and then when he heard dad bare his testimony, he looked over and said,

"I want to bear my testimony."

oh yeah? What are you going to say?

Um. I'm thinking about it

He didnt even look nervous.

Doug wore his Christmas tie from Sophie. its a neon green and black checkered tie. sweet! He bore a sweet testimony about moms, specifically me. i cried. i think he was making up for forgetting me at Simon's blessing. But now that i wrote that its sounds harsh. we're working on our marriage and i appreciate his effort and his love. He's a good, good man.

Penny is funny and crazy right now. 18 mos to 2 years is a GREAT age.

Simon is giggling!! oh how i love it. and i love nursing, surprisingly!