Day 15

Grandma is here. i'm so happy.

Day 14

It's sunday. I went to stake conference with the big kids while doug stayed home with the littles. it was really good.

some of the impressions i got.

• get my temple recommend. go every month. use the babysitters! go this month and pray about owen. how do i help him become a good person, a good teen, a good student, a good priesthood holder, a good missionary, a good dad?
• put a picture of christ on my nightstand. i need visual reminders. Don't let doug discourage me from putting up the visual reminders. i can feel myself slipping, choosing not to do the things i'm supposed to and instead, focusing on 'stuff' like, furniture, home decor, facebook, email, blogs. Get that balance!
• get to know Jesus. the one who came to take care of us all. i loved that talk so much.
• Also, leave a legacy of faith.

that last one got me to thinking again about me as a person. as a mom. kelly is going to go get her degree. i'll be the only one without it. does that matter to me? kind of. is it entire wrong for me to go back to school? sure feels wrong. will photoshop and illustrator classes make me feel better? probably. cooking classes? probably.

ugh. i hate discouragement. and i'm feeling it tonight.

Other things that popped into my head...maybe that's all for now

Day 13

Saturday. I'd really like to make saturday more of a family day. we all kinda go our separate ways all the time. i want to make more family memories. with doug traveling so much how do i do that?

other things i'd like to do:

• pray with doug daily
• come up with a chamberlain family post-prayer cheer. sounds so dorky.
• get the damn pictures on the wall! i'm going to go thrift shopping tomorrow and fill them with thrift prints, for crying out loud!

Day 12

well. thursday smacked me in the face. Owen brought a note home from his teacher saying he is dishelved and unkind to a kid named donald.

I had a melt down. i was crying in owen's bed talking to doug on the phone. I took it very personally. i am so overwhelmed. i have so many responsiblities on so many levels and crazy schedules and blah blah blah. it was a hard day.

i made a bunch of to do lists. we'll see if i can turn this around.

Day 11

Doug's birthday was yesterday. he turned 37. he's in new york shooting commercials and so for his birthday, i found a bag online that i thought he would like. i put it on hold and then gave him an address and a name and told him to go and find out his little birthday surprise. it's a 375 dollar bag so i didn't buy it for him, but just let him look around. apparently, he liked the fun and hunt but the bag was not as keen as he would like. oh well. he found some 480 dollar boots instead. whoa. good thing he's making money.

interesting thing i was thinking about today. for years i've been drilling into sophie's head the idea that she doesn't need to worry about what other people think. i spent my entire adolescence looking for approval from people, to a flaw, a serious FLAW! it has hindered personal growth in so many ways. and she's a very confident kid. doesn't care if she's the only one dressed up for blue and gold day at school kind of confidence. good for her. that makes me happy.

Then, last night, we had a bball/mutual conflict. we've ditched out on so many sunday bball practices that i was encouraging her to skip mutual and go to the practice. coach dean would have probably kicked her off the team for it. maybe not. anyway, she said this, and i started wondering if all my talk could back fire. she said.

"what do i care what coach dean thinks of me. it doesn't matter what he thinks, only what i think."

could that turn her into a flake and she wouldn't even care that she's a flake?

i'm going to ponder and see what i come up with.

Day 10

Lots of fast food today. Wendy's after the little's and i went to Target. Subway for sophie at lunch so i picked one up for me. And then McDonalds after i picked up owen from school and while we were waiting for sophie. Too much grease. yuck.

Simon is so cute and smiley. so cute. i love him. penny is aggressive again. she bit simon {hard} on the finger. ohhh, that girl!

Day 9

So, today is the second day without doug. i've eaten terribly. I was tired, haven't exercised. went to the park with beth. It was nice. penny needs to go to the park more often. I actually fell asleep with the kids around 9:30 and woke up at midnight. simon woke not much longer after that so i fed him and snuggled him thinking i was going to go back to sleep. the problem is, i left the house crazay and not locked up. the garage door was open with the light on and the dishes were overflowing in the sink and there was a cooking crock with tonights tuna casserole still in it.

yuck. i had to get up. i had to clean up. the cleaners are coming early tomorrow. like, 8:30. there wouldnt' be anytime to clean in the morning and it would be SOOO much harder do get it done with both babies needing me, as they usually do all day.

So, i got up. i cleaned up the kitchen, closed the garage, locked the doors. most were locked, actually, but just made sure things were put to bed. and now i'm sitting here 3 hours later, STILL awake. blogging, shopping, surfing, loving design blogs. I really want to take illustrator and photoshop. really bad. I miss doug. he's in new york. it's his birthday today and i wish i could send him something awesome. but it can't really. i have lots of limitations. i hate that.

just texted him. he's starts at 7, hopefully he'll get it.