doug has gone to Italy and it has been a hurricane of emotions for me. We have a lot of baggage associated with this group

1. i feel jealous that he is there and i am not. i got the first pictures of everyone on a boat and his feet were sticking into the image and i wanted to punch him in the face. it was a

doug gone day 1

Today sucked. its only 5pm but it's sucked.

after taking sophie to target for a new swimsuit this morning, and pulling out money for her to go to hurricane harbor and giving her money for the movies last night, i was pretty bugged. bugged that i don't say no and that i shell out money right and left for that girl.

then we went to ikea to get new sheets. i hate our white sheets so much.

anti-muse

I've been glum lately. in a funk and really really down. about marriage mostly. about me and doug.

jealous of his doug/kat thing. even though i really like her and her family i've felt threatened. and i know it's because we are missing the 'it' in our marriage.

a muse is a source of inspiration. sophie is a muse. (right now they're writing an impromptu song) kat is a muse, i am not his muse. Why am i not in there with them?? not in photography (as i'm not photogenic) and not in much else creative.

i am the anti-muse.

h h p-=x y \-vp-;u'

This morning Doug left to go on an overnight photo trip with Kat. we fought about it on wednesday, he lamely attempted to get adam johnson to go, had an awkward conversation with kat about that and she said she'd rather not have a chaperone.

''''hjhjjugygyuy

today

today Baylen Johnson, owen's bestest friend in the whole wide world, was baptized. Yesterday, bart called and asked if owen would give a little talk on his baptism, maybe just talking about his own baptism.

He sat down at the computer this morning, i was out talking to rachel and he would yell out to me, MOM. i need you to help me write my talk!

so once i finally came in i found him at he computer with a new document open and about 4 lines written in a really special font that he found and choose especially for the baptism. or maybe he just liked it, i don't know.

anyway, so i helped him finish by asking qustions and then typing word for word what his answers.

and then today, we were supposed ot go see sophie at her choir competition thing and got everoyone real

More words! He now says, Kippa for Kipper. Yo yo gabba for yo gabba gabba.

cheese for a picture, and he holds out my iphone and then has to look at the back of the camera when it's all done to see himself.

i love this boy. he is so amiable. he is so special. he loves me.

Simon

I was looking back through my journal and realized i hadn't written about simon lately. 17 months at the end of january and he is big - almost as big as penny. a few weeks ago i bought them both vans. 5.5 for simon and a 6 for penny.

right now all he wants to do is climb and lean. from the benches in the kitchen nook to the counter. toilet to the sink, benches to the bookshelf cubbies on the other side of the kitchen table. its all crazy and dangerous. he is a good boy.

he has lots and LOTS of words right now.

MINE is the funniest one.

he says WHAT when someone calls his name

STUCK when he can't do something.

so many more. i'll have to write down and i remember them. BATH, BOTTLE. really trying to communicate. he is a funny kid.

He LOVES to sing. all the maggy haves songs are his favorite. he loves doing hand motions.