today

today, trumps all other days in the difficulty spectrum. dont even know if that makes sense, but last night, i foolishly did a little tracy anderson work out while watching thursday night tv. that turned into wed and even tues night tv and i finally went to bed around 2. by 3 simon was up and wanting a bottle. i gave it to him and came back to bed and sophie was all shakey and fevery. she was pretty needy, understandably. up and down for medication, drinks of water, lip balm and then penny woke up with another pee pee accident. she had one while i was still up and another just as i got back to sleep with sophie. changed her, laid by her, came back to my bed and owen came in from where he fell asleep in the living room. he was shakey and fevery too. he laid by me in the bed, penny came in and all of them, except simon were sick and piled up on me. penny then woke up at 6:15 and so the morning began. nobody has gone to school, i called the cleaners, they came this morning and cleaned our filthy germ infested house. i am angry. we have a lot of plans that we will have to cancel. owen's last soccer practice and game. ( i really felt it was important that he finish out the season.) a playdate with donald that he has been waiting for forever... and had to cancel the last time because he got the flu. both basketball and soccer for sophie. i hate that we cant play with rachels kids, we are supposed to go see temple lights with everyone on sunday. who knows if we can even do that. i am nervous to venture out too quickly for fear we will infect everyone we meet, just like last time. penny has a birthday party on saturday, which i normally wouldnt care about, but it's layla's party and i'd really like to get to know her mom better. i cant say that about many of the other moms in there. plus, we havent' been to maggy haves in a month, it seems. i texted doug about it this morning and he made a joke about adam coming to stay on our couch and help with the kids in the night. i took him seriously ( because that's exactly where i am right now) and then felt like angry for giving a serious answer to his joke. not his fault, he' s far away. it's hard to take a temperature over text. made me mad anyway.

upside: house is clean, we can go find christmas boxes, i guess. washer is still broken, need to call jimmy back. laundry is piling up.

the days are going so slowly. cant wait to go to new york. having everyone home reaffirms that i need some space.