today was just hard

tonight i ended up screaming at everyone. penny especially because she hurts everyone. simon all day long, of course, and then tonight Owen screamed so loudly because she bit him that i kinda got mad at him too. why does he have to scream so LOUD!!! so i came over and grabbed her and screamed, you have to stop!! penny, just stop!! and she started crying and i was slamming doors and saying no one gets to watch TV (charlie brown and the great pumpkin) and really hoping the neighbors couldnt here. i'm just done. so so done.

then we all made up and i said if they clean up the living room, they can watch the show. so they did. then owen hurt his foot in the kitchen and was crying so i went into help him, then i hear banging in the living room so i go in there and penny was smashing the corner of one of their blocks (that we had just cleaned up) into the body of doug's guitar that is hanging on the wall. simon was banging a block too but he is too short to reach any instruments so it was going straight into the wall. and now there are three huge dents or pocks. he is going to freak out. so then i can't stop thinking about how much he is going to freak out and now i am mad at him for being mad at me for letting it happen, yet after 5 freaking weeks alone (!!!!!) how DARE he even breathe even an ounce of criticism.

why are we doing this? Doug is miserable, I am miserable, we are making NO money. seriously, what do we want in our future. features? does that really mean a life without doug? what are we doing?